Sooo… I experienced my first writer’s Life Crash a few days ago, and it was eye opening, to say the least, and a bit embarrassing. What is a Life Crash, you ask? It is that unexpected moment when life crashes into you…with the force of a bullet train.
I suppose I expected it would happen eventually, just not this soon. And not in the grocery store…when I was pricing out some sausage. No stuff! I actually had a tube of sausage in my hand when life collided with me. Anyways… I felt a slight tug on my arm and turned to find a stranger, a woman, staring at me, with a huge grin on her face.
“Oh, my goodness! You’re TJ Bouvier, aren’t you?” she
screamed. Yes, screamed.
I flinched, so shocked that all I could manage was to stand there, lips zipped. Like an idiot. I mean…seriously? I’d run out of the house with baggy black joggers, a ratty black hoodie, and a huge blue knit cap. It’s freezing here. You know what it’s like. You start jonesing for a plate of eggs and sausage, find out you’re out of sausage, so you plan the whole dash in and out thing, incognito. That was my plan, but nooooo, not on this day. The Fates had a much more interesting experience in store for me. Fortunately, my dazed stupor did not faze my craving crusher, because…
“Your book. Meridian Stone. I just read it!”
“Really?” So cool,
right?
Unless… My heart dropped to my stomach. Was I about to get my first verbal in your face smackdown? In the grocery store? Holding sausage?
“Oh, my goodness!” she repeated, just as enthusiastically
as the first time. “I loved it! Stayed up all night reading it!”
Heart back in chest. Stopped fisting sausage.
“Really?”
Yepper, two “reallys” for the writer, but give a girl a break. This was my first time encountering a fan. A fan virgin…that was I! So Super Cool! She liked it! She really liked it!
“Yeah, but can I ask you a question?” Her face sobered, and I shifted to lean against the cooler case. Uh oh. Here we go…
“OK.”
I felt my face straining to stay neutral. I tried to smile, but failed miserably. That was an absolute no-go when I was scared witless. When she visibly inhaled to prepare herself, I glanced around to ensure my demise would not be witnessed.
“Could we talk about sex?” Huh?
The cringe was automatic. Uhhhh…. So not what I was expecting. She wanted to talk about sex? In the grocery store? I didn’t even have any makeup on! While she stared at me, waiting, I nervously scanned the area around us. Again. This was beyond awkward and uncomfortable. Could I really have a discussion about sex with a complete stranger? But… She was a fan, right? Probably my only one, other than my family, of course. Did they even count? So, after practically hurling the sausage back into the case…
“Sure,” I mumbled.
“You just laid it all out there. It was so refreshing and hot,” she exclaimed, and I finally smiled. “How did you have the courage to do that? Every time the word sex comes up with my friends, they cringe and look at me like I’m some kind of weirdo. They dance around the subject, try to shush me, or find some way to change the subject. I don’t understand that. I like sex and am more than sure they do, too. We should be able to discuss it with each other.”
And off she went… The next fifteen minutes left me standing against the cooler, sometimes gripping it, bracing myself, as she detailed…quite loudly and colorfully…her issues with societal constraints about sex and how, in her opinion, the subject had been turned into a taboo for folks in her world. I really wanted to comment. Really. But she just continued to vent. On and on and on. I’m not sure she ever took a breath. And, honestly, I started to enjoy her dialogue, especially when she shared how she’d used Meridian Stone: The Transition to spice up her relationship with her husband, how Alessandria’s journey moved her, renewed her belief in real, deep love stories, and inspired her to be a more fierce female (her words). She’d even challenged those skittish girlfriends of hers to read Meridian Stone: The Transition, scheduled a girl’s only night, and instructed them to arrive prepared to offer their insights. Wow! I’d love to be a fly on the wall of that party! Super Duper Cool!
When she finally wrapped up, I was giggling with her, a bit breathless, and probably red from my face to my fingertips. But what was most revelatory? The need to glimpse around had fled. Disappointingly, though, I remained speechless. Still…like an idiot. I’m not too lame to admit that I was completely and utterly overwhelmed.
“So, I just wanted to tell you to keep it up, girl. I definitely found my magic, and I am addicted to it. You hurry up now and get that next book out. Ok?” she concluded.
“Ok.”
Before I had a chance to debate my feelings about her next move, she leaned in and crushed me with a huge hug, smiled, then she was gone. Uhhhh… It took me a few moments to gather myself and unclutch my fingers from the edge of the cooler. Why was I doing that? The answer became clear as I shook out my hand and mulled over what had just happened. My Life Crash lesson. First, I realized that I hadn’t the opportunity to answer any of her questions, other than her initial one to begin the conversation. Or her monologue.
The truth? When the process began to create Meridian Stone: The Transition, I’d lacked the courage to lay it all out there. The journey began with the power of their courage, the souls of the story, not mine, but I’d thought, through them and their fearlessness, I had grown. What this wonderful, brave, beautifully blunt spirit of a woman showed me was that I was not as liberated from old insecurities as I’d believed myself to be. Just as she’d described about her friends, I’d cringed when she brought up the ‘s’ world and had almost stooped to shushing her. So not cool.
I glanced at my reflection in the shiny metal of the cooler case and smiled. Fans are awesome! Well…the fan. The fact that she’d been kind enough not to call me out on my shameful fear freeze was proof enough, but our chance encounter was much more profound than the sparing of my dignity. Because of her, I’d walked out of my house as one person and returned as another. I still had a lot of work to do. On myself. In addition to learning how to speak during my next Life Crash, to actually participate in the exchange, I became steadfastly committed to shedding those stubborn stale precepts still clinging to my psyche. No more cringing for TJ!
“Sex, sex, sex, sex…” I practiced, aloud, to the reflection in the case, not caring if anyone was watching or judging. Oh, my goodness, that felt so dang good! And I was just getting started.
Then, I picked up my sausage and tossed it into the cart.
-TJ Bouvier
If you’ve had a transformative Life Crash, I’d love to hear about it. Visit my Power Portal on tjbouvier.com, and send it in. I may share it in a blog, and perhaps, your experience could help another mortal or immortal out there find his/her magick! Let’s do this thing! Together!
