It can be irresistible. The need to lose ourselves in another. The savior syndrome. It is a story told a thousand times in a thousand different ways.
In a time long, long ago…before the dreams. Before Alessandria. Before Adayre. Before Draco. Before the Echelon. There was just my ride or die and I, enjoying a girls’ night in on the sofa. You know…huddled under cushy throws, a glass of wine in one hand, some sort of sinful chocolate in the other, and a mushy movie on the big screen that we were so not paying attention to while we giggled and gossiped. And she said…
“Honestly, I freakin’ live for this man. He has brought out the
real me and made me a true believer in miracles. He’s the magic I’ve always
been looking for. I can’t imagine living a minute without him.”
So…we’ll get to all of that later.
Right now, with an empathetic and grateful heart, I want to thank Miss Trina for her story.
Even a year later, Trina can envision the beginning of her nightmare as clearly as if it were yesterday. The fateful conversation still rings in her ears as a reminder to never again submit to the temptation of a silver tongue.
“It’s just a couple of hours, Trina. Come with me, please. Seriously, these meetings truly saved me from becoming complacent with normalcy. The worst thing that could happen is that you’re bored to tears, but the best? You could be inspired and motivated and moved and…” Camille, Trina’s ride or die, rattled out. (Complacent with normalcy? Red flag for you too?)
“Ok, ok. I’ll go, but I am not wearing a dress.”
“Why not? What’s wrong with dresses?” Camille blanched, fussing
with the hem of her conservative blue sheath.
“Nothing. I just prefer pants. You know that. And why aren’t
you hugging me or something? I just agreed to attend your self-help thing and
you’re hating on my wardrobe choices.”
“Oh, ooops!” Camille sprang from the barstool, a smile a mile wide. “Sorry, it’s just… Never mind.” She hugged her, then “I’m so excited! I promise you won’t regret this.” (Uh huh)
Camille had been right on that day. ‘Regret’ was not close to sufficiently describing the consequences of that decision. In fact, Trina had no idea why her friend was so committed to these conferences, sometimes flying to remote locations to get her fix. Nuts. But hell…Camille was an exceptional woman. Successful. Vibrant. Warm. Confident. She was the epitome of an empowered female, so maybe all of this stuff was beneficial. Completely comfortable in her own skin, by no means was Trina a wallflower, and she was certainly smart enough to know that improvement should be an ‘everyone’ goal, so as the conference date neared, her anticipation grew.
Sitting in the bustling auditorium, she curiously eyed all of the women filing into the room. She could not believe the numbers. Hundreds. All ages, shapes and sizes, ethnicity, and all impeccably groomed and wardrobed. And when Camille glanced over to her with that ‘I told you so’ look, Trina crossed her legs and fought off a pout. As far as she could glare, all she saw were dresses…and skirts. Unbelievable. (So red flag) With a glance down to her very flattering black slacks, she let out the pout. Her natural indignant response was just about to surface when the lights dimmed and he walked into the streams of the spotlights on the enormous stage. An immediate hush followed, startling Trina with the abrupt silence, but she forgot all of it as Jonah began to speak.
The next ninety minutes were the most profound Trina believed she’d ever experienced. It was not really what he said. The believe in yourself, chart your own path, be persistent, be present, and love who you are were all messages she’d heard, read, or ascribed to already. It was how he said it. How his body vibrated with an effervescence that she found beyond sexy. How his eyes seemed to lock with hers now and then. How his passion prompted gooseflesh to her arms. And when his voice hitched and gaze blurred as he pleaded with his audience to step into the pain of others, to walk with them through their storms, to not abandon them when the journey becomes difficult or uncomfortable, to invest, Trina was thoroughly beguiled.
After the lecture, he stood at the double doors of the exit,
accepting the hands of his admirers. It was Trina’s turn and she could scarcely
breathe as he cocooned her hand into both of his and brought those mesmerizing
eyes to hers.
“I just wanted to take a moment to say ‘thank you’. Your
presentation was very moving.”
“Well, thank you for your kind words,” Jonah replied softly.
“Have we met before?”
“Uhhhh, no.” (Smooth.)
“I believe I am at a disadvantage. You know my name, but I
have yet to learn yours.”
“Oh. Trina. I am Trina.”
“A very powerful name, Trina. It is a pleasure to meet you,”
he said, his eyes boring into her, making her feel as if she was the only human
in the room. And that smile. Those lips.
When she was only able to grin wordlessly in response, he squeezed
and released her hand to invite another into his spell, his attention belonging
completely to the female behind her. She only realized she’d been staring at
him as Camille began to tug her away, and to add to her embarrassment, on their
way to the car, Trina was only partially annoyed when her friend whispered, “I
told you so.”
Six months later…
“Girlfriend, I cannot believe you took vacation just to
attend a conference. You have to know his lectures by heart now,” Camille huffed,
throwing her hands in the air.
“It’s in London. And Jonah asked me to be there. He says my
presence gives him power.”
“Power? Does your newfound obsession with dresses and red
lipstick give him power too? Cutting and dying your hair?” Camille screeched, jabbing
her red fingernails out to indicate each offense.
“Jonah says that in order for a woman to truly experience
her intrinsic strength, she must be in complete synchronicity with her femininity.
And he says red enhances the female survival quotient.” (Huh?)
“Yeah. Yeah. But this is too much. Jonah’s doctrine is
supposed to be about learning to take control of your life. It seems to me that
you are allowing him to take control of you, and I don’t like it.”
“Jonah is not controlling me, and you don’t have to
like it. Jonah says that those who do not support your flight do not deserve to
be in your sphere. To be saved from the oppression of the normal, one must be
willing to shed its weight.” (Uhhhh…red flags and fog horns)
Camille’s mouth flopped open as she plopped down on the sofa…thoroughly
exasperated.
“Oh, so I’m just weight now? The one who’s been your friend
for over a decade?” she whined.
“Of course not,” Trina said calmly, calling upon her mental serenity sessions with Jonah. It was a difficult task though. All of this negativity was beginning to miff her. “But…I am very disappointed in your regression.”
Leaping from the sofa, yanking down the hem of her dress, Camille did something Trina had never witnessed from her in all the years of their friendship. She yelled at her. Like…really yelled. (Hell yeah! Perhaps she’ll bring her along on the next whatever session.)
“Shut up! I should have never taken you to that first meeting,” then after sucking in a long breath, Camille schooled her scowl and added, “Before I leave… Trina, Jonah is no savior. He’s just a charismatic guy with a great smile and a hot body.”
To this day, Trina can still feel the wave of outrage that
had overcome her at her friend’s callous words. How could she say such horrible
things about her Jonah? Didn’t she understand? She lived for this man. He was
her everything. Her magic. Pointing to the door, she managed to restrain
her pain and anger, but said something much worse.
“Please leave, Camille. You know Jonah is much more than that. He cares about me, and I…well…I…would prefer that you stay away from me until you change your position.”
Shocked and with tears wetting her cheeks, the woman who’d
been Trina’s ride or die for as long as she could remember walked through her
door and out of her life.
Trina hadn’t known their separation would be a long-time
thing…until it was. Initially, the loss seemed nominal as she immersed herself
into her private meetings with Jonah, absorbing all of his wisdom and applying it
to her life, a life which seemed to be ‘emerging toward prolificacy’…until it
wasn’t. Unfortunately, as life has a way of doing, a year into her ‘emergence’,
Trina suffered a string of challenging events, one Cat 5 after another, one so
tragic it left her warring with a severe bout of depression. It was during this
time that she was grateful to have a friend such as Jonah in her life, the one
who’d captivated her with his passionate stormwalk promises. Until she realized
the worst tragedy of all…
Trina’s Life Crash Moment had arrived, slashing right
through her everything, flooding her with a catastrophic clarity.
When she’d needed him most, somehow, she could no longer reach Jonah. Her texts, emails, and voicemails went unanswered…even when she pleaded for him to respond, even when she reminded him that he was her ‘sanctuary of strength and peace’. Even when he knew she had neglected all of her friends, shunned the best of them…Camille…to devote her time to him. For him. She would have done anything for him. She’d even dragged herself clear across the country to see him at one of his conferences (maybe he really was just too busy), only to suffer the deeply humiliating experience of being categorically ignored. But for the very timely delivery of a gift from her former best friend, Trina feared she would have never gotten the damn message.
Jonah was just a charismatic guy with a great smile and a hot body.
Oh, how many times had she held back the tears as he’d lifted so many spirits with his phony prose? She’d needed him to step into her pain, to invest in her, but he had not so much as asked how she was doing. Not a single communication on any type of device as to her condition. Her savior had abandoned her. And finally…the cloud lifted. The dresses. The lipstick. The hair. The stupid lingo. All of his prophetic and perfect preaching about this and that. It was all an act. A job that he was exceptionally skilled at…with those eyes and those lips. He loved it, but he did not love her. He was the good times guy, the easy lover liar with no intention of getting wet. Jonah was a fraud.
After a few days of cleansing weeping and several cartons of some sort of sinful chocolate, Trina curled into the corner of her sofa and read Camille’s gift. Meridian Stone: The Transition and Meridian Stone: The Awakening. (So happy right now) When she stood again, she made a vow to never relinquish her self to another. Furious and so flippin’ frustrated with her error, she tossed out every tube of red lipstick, packed up the ridiculous dresses…and skirts for donation, and made an appointment with her stylist to fix the mess on her head.
It was time to face the struggles in her life…like a warrior, like Alessandria. Her dependence on Jonah had left her vulnerable, weak, susceptible to the pit of helplessness, but she did not need him to climb out. She had friends before him…real friends, who did not stand on stages or fake compassion without action. They had always been there for her…until she wasn’t.
The rest of the story…
Trina made it through her storm, stronger and much wiser than ever. Emerged. Rocking her pants, her hair has grown back to its original glory, and she has acquired a new, more profound appreciation for relationships built on authenticity. Now, there is mandatory time allotted on her schedule for her friends, an extra bit for Camille, and more for herself.
Believe it or not, Trina did not delete Jonah from her contacts. Though she has not reached out to him, she wants to be available to him if he ever needed her. You see, despite how he treated her or how he actually feels about her, Trina’s affection for him is true. And that means she could never abandon him. (So good) And if she ever senses the temptation to be lulled back into her savior syndrome, which admittedly creeps upon her occasionally, she simply picks up a Meridian Stone for a reminder of the ‘female badass quotient’.
My thoughts…
Hallelujah! I mean…what more is there to say? Thank you so much, Trina! You are one extraordinary female, a warrior on so many levels. Prolific…legit. To you and any other who have been seduced by a Jonah or Joanna, do not beat yourself up. We have all been there. Most of us yearn for that human who will say all of the right things, make us feel like we are the most important being in the universe, help us realize our better selves…and it doesn’t hurt if that someone arrives with those eyes and those lips.
There is nothing wrong with believing in another, to seek help or advice from another, but to elevate another human to ‘savior’ status is dangerous. And never, ever, ever surrender control of your identity in the process. Recognize the red flags and pay attention to the signs of insincerity. Trina, mon ami, I am sure if you look back upon all of the times you spent with Jonah, the clues were there. If it has been said once or a million times, it has always been true… “When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.” And they will.
Oh! I almost forgot…
In a time long, long ago, I slowly placed my wine glass on the coffee table, then proceeded to thump my ride or die (playfully…maybe) in the center of her forehead. Impressively, she did not spill a drop of her beverage. Anyway, even back then, I was already a true believer in miracles and magick…not the goofy sort that folks throw around so carelessly, but the powerful energy that lives within each of us, the only force that makes you…YOU. No other human can give it to you, bring it to you, produce it in you, or be it for you. And besides, I was pretty partial to who she was already. So, we turned off the TV and had a serious discussion, and by the way…that man she was gushing on and on about that day is now Mr. Ride or Die. He actually turned out to be a super cool human.
I look forward to hearing from you, too. Yeah…YOU…reading this post. You are invaluable, priceless, and your contribution is uber important. Plus, a girl can’t have too many fearless friends! Let’s hear from you today. If you want to remain anonymous, that’s cool. Just stop hesitating and share. 2019 is quickly nearing its end, but there’s still time left for you to be bold. Be MORE! You’ll never know what magick you’ll find or inspire…until you stand up. Emerge into the warrior world and touch someone, like me, who needs your story to walk their journey.
